AWOL: I’ve lost 25 pounds!!!

I’ve been absent without leave for the past week. I need a vacation but that’s not happening until next month. So I took a blogging vacation instead. It was lovely.

I didn’t stop counting calories though, still on track with that. Weight still dropping off. I’m at 73 kilos or 162 pounds now. I’ve lost a total of 8 kilos or 18 pounds since starting counting calories 2 months ago. Since I came back from winter vacation (mid January) I’ve lost 11 kilos or 25 pounds. My clothes are fitting looser. My biggest clothes do not fit at all.

The best change of all is no longer seeing myself as fat in my head. I see myself as getting thinner. With perception follows the behaviors of a skinny me: saying no to my past crappy eating habits, avoiding junk food, and not giving into emotional eating as a mode of coping to name a few. In previous diet attempts I felt like a fat girl punishing herself, and the fat behaviors were hard to battle with my fat girl mindset. Now I don’t feel like I’m being punished but rather more like I’m saving money for some grand luxury vacation. Hard to feel bummed with that sort of mindset eh? Do you whine about skimping on frivolous luxuries such as going out to movies or eating out if you know the reward is totally worth it? No, not a bit. You get excited. And that’s how I feel, excited. If I do get hungry I permit myself extra food within reason. Usually fruit or cottage cheese but sometimes candy or something special. To celebrate my progress I had pizza for breakfast. Dinner last night was sushi with a friend at the most amazing sushi place in all of Tokyo followed by a matcha latte at Starbucks and a big beer later. I don’t deny myself any food at all, I allow myself to eat anything I really want. I just watch the portion sizes and don’t eat everything all in one day. In case you’re wondering, last night I finished the night at 1510 calories. The beer and the latte put me over but I really wanted to enjoy them with my friend whom I don’t see so often. So I treated myself.

I’ve also learned these past two months that having a cheat day boosts your metabolism. Every time without fail that I go over my caloric allowance, I get results soon after. Routines need to be broken I think. If I stick to 1200 calories a day my body would think it were starving and then slow my metabolism down. Splurging tricks it into thinking it isn’t starving. So I don’t feel guilty anymore for having a cheat day.

I must say I am super proud of my weight loss so far. Go me!!! Getting closer to my goal weight, about half way there.

I booked my flight for Vietnam. Ten days of nothing to do but eat well, get massges, and go to the beach. Since I’m flying into Ho Chi Minh City and have the time, I want to visit Angkor Wat in Cambodia. Then off to Nha Trang for some beach time and diving. Maybe I can cross the border into China to visit Macau? We shall see. Who has time to fret over food when there is a vacation to be planned?

It’s Okay, I Don’t Bite

Yesterasay’s Total Calories: 1215

It’s 4 am and I can’t sleep. Big fun. Odd considering I could barely keep my eyes open at 9pm last night. I got maybe a total of three hours of sleep and now I’ve been awake since midnight. I’m exhausted but this sleep thing just isn’t happening. I could take a sleeping pill but I need 8 hours after taking one for sleep. Does anyone else find this ironic? By the time it’s definite that reading or whatever else won’t do the trick it’s too late to take a sleeping pill. Grr.

On a side note, I don’t like taking sleeping pills and rarely use them. When I do I need I need 8 hours of sleep for it to work and not make me groggy the next day. Only certain types work for me also. Japanese sleeping pills (I’ve tried several sorts) make me wake up feeling like I have a hangover. That’s kind of bad.

Watch me become one of the train sleepers. I swear it’s some sort of talent Japanese people have for sleeping on trains. They can fall asleep and wake up at their stop without any sort of alarm. How does that work? Almost every day I end up brushing someone’s head off my shoulder as they loll about in their sleep, mouth open, softly snoring. Some even do this while standing and holding onto the dangling straps designed to keep one from falling during sudden lurches. I’m not talking about one or two people either, I mean half the train is asleep during rush hour. Is this a Japanese phenomena or am I just a girl from the burbs shocked at city life?

I need to find some productive outlet for my budding insomniac tendencies. I know! I’ll blog about it! Heh.

I have the weirdest cravings for peanut butter now. Not straight from the jar but in mixed forms. Odd considering I never really liked it up until recently. Peanut Butter Stir-Fry is the thing I crave the most. Peanut butter granola bars would be close second but I can’t get those here. The other day I made veggie burgers and experimented by putting peanut butter into one the patties. Eh, not the greatest but I’ve had worse. There must be a way to make peanut butter salad dressing. Peanut butter sauces are only saucy if they’re hot or have loads of oil in them I find. Maybe if I mix it with broth and a touch of vinegar for zing I’ll get a more dressing-like concoction? This is my experiment for the week.

I’m also craving crepes or French toast right now. Is it wrong that I intend to make peanut butter versions of these delectable treats? I’ve had raw apple with peanut butter, I wonder how cooked apples with peanut butter melted over them on top of French toast or crepes would be?

If anyone still reading? I know, I’m nasty! It’s okay, I don’t bite. Today a co-worker pulled me aside and mentioned that a new customer was there to speak with me but was very nervous about using English.

“She is very nervous to speak English and a little shy maybe.”

“It’s okay, I don’t bite.”

For whatever reason I still use idiomatic expressions even though they are completely lost on the person I am speaking to or just plain sound silly to them. The person I said that bite comment to is fluent in English (not many people here are, the language is too different I think) so she thought it was hilarious even though she’d never heard that before. I used to make jokes back home all the time, but since jokes don’t translate well when English is a second language, I don’t do jokes as much anymore. Yet for some reason I make everyone laugh so much more here just by saying common expressions that don’t readily translate. I guess if I weren’t a native English speaker that that saying would make me laugh too. How is that English has so many sayings and idioms? Did you know that the English language has more idioms than any other language? There are thousands of them.

Kilkenny is My Rockstar Hero

Yesterday’s Total Calories: 1875

Today’s Total Calories: 1356

Today’s Weight: 75 kilos, a loss of half a kilo or one pound over night

I lost half a kilo or one pound in one day, how does that work? I’ve noticed that everytime I have a cheat day that I lose weight. More and more I find myself agreeing with claims that a cheat day is the secret to jump starting your metabolism. The most logical explanation I have heard is that if you have a low caloric intake for days on end your thrifty gene kicks in because it thinks your body is starving. The thrifty gene holds onto all energy taken in and slows down your metabolism to conserve energy. A cheat day tricks your body into thinking it’s not starving and that more food is on its way, thus raising your metabolism.

Whatever.

I’m just glad that my weekend indiscretions aren’t setting me back and I’m making progress. I drink tons of water every day so I know it’s not dehydration or water weight. My clothes are fitting loser and I’ve lost two pants sizes in one month now. Yeah, I’m tooting my horn. I rock.

Know what else rocks? Kilkenny! At 36 calories per 100 ml that puts it in the same range calorie-wise as a light beer. So you can have a tasty Kilkenny for the same caloric amount as a watery flavored light beer. Not bad, eh? Guess what I had the other night? Then I had McDonald’s afterwards. And some sour cream and onion Pringles after that. Viva la cheat day! To quote the unforgettable Mae West “When I’m good, I’m very, very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.”

Spicy Miso Sauce Recipe

Yesterday’s Total Calories: 1209

Today’s Total Calories: 1240

I made Broccoli and Shrimp with Spicy Miso Sauce tonight for dinner. It was tasty. I eyeball most things I cook but now with the calories counting thing I can tell exactly how much I used of which ingredient. I don’t have measuring cups with American measurements so I just used teaspoons and tablespoons. Those I do have for some reason. (?)

Spicy Miso Sauce

• 4 tablespoons cold water
• 2 tabelespoons shirro miso
• 1 1/2 teaspoons mirin
• 1 teaspoon honey, maple syrup, agave, or sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon hot sesame oil
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic paste
• 1/2 teaspoon sesame oil

Combine in a saucepan over medium heat, stirring until combined. Cook for about 5 minutes. You can adjust the spiciness of the sauce by adding more hot sesame oil if you want, sometimes I add other spices like garam masala or taco spice. This recipe made enough to garnish two servings, but I would double this if you want to use it for 2 people. I tend to eat less of something yummy rather than more of something that’s so-so when I diet. This would be one such case.

This recipe was inspired by a special I ordered one night at the Elephant Cafe in Harajuku. It was cabbage with a spicy miso sauce, and seriously? Wow. This sauce is the closest I’ve come to mimicking it. Not quite the same but a close substitute. I use it on raw cabbage, salads, or with vegetables. Steamed broccoli is awesome with this sauce.

One Month Results

Weight: 75.5 kilos or 166.1 pounds

Weight Lost in One Month: 5.5 kilos or 12.1 pounds

Total Weight Lost Since Starting Diet: 8.5 kilos or 18.7 pounds

I’m really very happy with this number. I had more off days than on days this week so to lose half a kilo or one pound since I weighed myself last isn’t so bad really. My clothes are fitting loser and I’m feeling much more confident. My stomach looks flatter. All good things.

Off to the art museum and then to do some shopping with a friend. Maybe some dinner at that lovely Turkish place.

KY: How to Use It

Today’s Total Calories: (HAHA) I guess it’s between 1289-1589

I had a lovely breakfast of 1/2 an English muffin and 2 mikans (satsumas stateside). Stir-fried veggies for lunch. This was 506 calories total. I responded to a text message inviting me for dinner and/or drinks. I said dinner would be kosher but drinks were a no go. I was being good. The plan was to go to Saizeriya where I know they have caloric counts on the menu and I can order without feeling like an obsessive freak. See my friends really don’t care to hear about my calorie counting when they’re out to order what they want I’m sure, so this is the best I can do. Subtlety is key. Well, they were full so we ended up my favorite restaurant of all: the most amazing Indian place ever. I ordered butter chicken curry and naan. I had an idea of the calories in the curry so I thought the naan would be okay to order. I mean, at 506 calories for the day so far I had about 700 calories left and that’s a huge margin. Eh, do you have any idea of how many calories are in naan? I’m still not so sure but I saw numbers ranging from 380 to 580. Ouch. I don’t need naan that bad. Next time I’ll just get a salad instead. Oops. I think I’ll live though.

I hate to say it but, given a choice to go back in time, I wish I had stayed home instead of going out to eat. Not because of the calories or spending money, but because my dinner companion royally annoyed the hell out of me. I won’t say friend, was more like a newer acquaintance with the potential for friendship. There’s a Japanese phrase that sums it up perfectly: “Kuuki yomenai” or “can’t read the air.” (Japanese teenage girls usually use the letters KY as an abbreviation. I’m assuming they don’t know what that sounds like to most foreigners.) The phrase is used when someone is lagging behind the group and can’t seem to grasp what is going on or goes against the general mood. I can’t recant so much of the conversation as he just pissed me off to the point where I ignored him and started answering emails on my phone. He just didn’t get it.

As far as I know not listening and interrupting is rude. When you ask me a question and I start to answer but can’t do so because you interrupt with some inane story, I’m not feeling it. I’m not perfect but I know better than to talk about Japanese people when I’m dining right next to them or standing by them on the train! If looks could kill I think we’d both be dead by now; him for opening his maw to let forth such idiocy and me by association with this moron.

Moron: Hey, what were you doing last week when I asked you to go for a drink? You said you were “busy”.

Me: (Wow, he’s asking? Can’t take a hint?) Yeah, I was watching movies.

Moron: Why didn’t you invite me over? We live in the same town.

Me: (What the eff? I was at home with some friends.) I wasn’t home. I was at a friend’s house.

Moron: What was his name?

Me: (I don’t want to answer, I suck at lying.) Hey look at that!

Moron: Why didn’t you just say you had a date?

AGHHH!!! I really just wanted to say I didn’t feel like being around you because I felt like watching movies at home with a couple of friends. Usually I say the more the merrier, but I had a hint that he might be KY. A gut instinct if you will, female intuition. Why do I ignore this and give people the benefit of the doubt? It’s never once been wrong. If someone says they’re “busy” I don’t ask about it, if they wanted to tell me more they would. “Busy” is code for I don’t want to tell you or I don’t want you involved. Everyone knows this except KY Guy.

Moron: When are you going to cook for me?

Me: I’m not.

Moron: I thought you loved to cook and didn’t like to cook for just one. You said you enjoyed cooking for other people.

Me: (Um, if I offer to I enjoy it.) Yeah, no. I don’t think so.

Moron: You and your friends should come over. You know, to watch movies. We all live in the same town. I saw two of your friends walking the other day but I didn’t recognize one of them.

Me: Yeah, I know. That’s the room mate who’s moving. I’m thinking of moving too. More into Tokyo.

Moron: Oh, you need a room mate? I have a spare room.

Me: (Oh god no.) No, I just want to live more in Tokyo, on the west side.

Moron: Well we’d still be in the same area.

No we wouldn’t! That’s an hour away by train. Are you that dumb or do you just not listen? Grr. And so I sat in my favorite restaurant with my favoritest curry dish and the nicest wait staff ever, feeling angry and not enjoying one bite of my meal. The energy was drained from me. The food was tasteless. I never realized how much of meal enjoyment is dependent on enjoyment of the atmosphere. It was like being on a bad date but ten times worse. A bad date can be broken off easily enough, just say you’re seeing someone or whatever. But with the friendship realm? Uh, you can have many friends. What do you do? In the past I’ve usually just been too busy and then the annoying person took the hint. I’m not one to be mean, why be direct if it can only hurt someone? I don’t think he’ll get the hint if I’m busy. He’s special. KY Guy is completely unable to read the unspoken social code the rest of us base our interactions on. Why don’t we have a phrase like KY in English? Oh there are ways of conveying the message but it takes WAY too long. KY, two letters. Sure, the raised eyebrow look or eye roll comes close, but it’s not the same as having a phrase. The English language needs something like KY. Instead of relaying some long diatribe, you could just say “Dude, he’s so KY.”

Speaking of KY, I found out someone from my past is following me around online. Awesome. I mean, it’s been like 5 years yet I’m still on their mind enough for them to bother? I guess it’s still on my mind too. The irony of this sudden appearance is that this person is a key player in some of the background story of how I got where I am now. People don’t choose behavior that makes them actively unhappy without some sort of story. Part of stopping damaging thought patterns and behaviors is understanding why it began and why you continue on with it. I’ll never have a healthy mental body image nor reach a healthy weight if I don’t examine how I got here. Part of the reason there aren’t too many identifying details about me here is because I plan to tell my story and examine myself here. Catharsis, so I can heal. Finally telling someone, even if I have no idea who it is, would be such a relief. And as much as I want this, to move on, I find it funny how a bit of my past can come back to find me even when I move to the other side of the world. Isn’t the internet wonderful? It’s one thing when a long lost friend wants to reconnect but quite another when someone toxic from your past resurfaces. I feel as if I’ve been transported back in time. I need to get it out of my mind and if it helps one other person from going through the crap I went through, then great.

So starting this week, I’ll put out the first installment. You’re welcome to read along.

Amazing

Today’s Total Calories: 1691

Was feeling utterly uninspired and ready to give up today. Had a bout of bad news and turned to chocolate after having eaten really well today. About 450 calories was chocolate today. So I did what I do when I need inspiration for this weight loss thing: surf youtube for other people who’ve lost weight on their own. I found this guy and felt silly for turning to chocolate and giving up so easily. He’s amazing.

Everyone Loves an Irish Girl

Today’s Total Calories: 1246

Met a friend for dinner tonight, we went to a sushi place near my apartment. Never have I ever in my life gone to a sushi place that did NOT have wasabi. No wasabi. I’m dead serious. I do know that sushi chefs think that the amount of wasabi they add to sushi is the correct amount and no more is necessary. However there was no wasabi as a condiment nor in the sushi itself! Odd. Was delish though and I would so go back again. The staff was so friendly too!

St. Pattie’s is this weekend. Debauchery shall ensue, I am sure. It seems like everyone in my life here is pairing up with someone of late. *sigh* I prefer being single to settling for the first thing with a pulse to glance my way. A tough statement to make when residing here. See most western men want Japanese women, not western women. Japanese women adore western men here. There aren’t so many Japanese men who want western women. There’s also the issue of language barriers. So being a western woman here often means way fewer options. Most of us western women here are single. Ever hear of Charisma Man? Where am I heading with all this? It’s been a while. I broke up with someone back in September, one week after a trip to France with him to meet his parents. It was nice to be single for a bit, I was much calmer. Happier. But right now it’s beginning to feel more like I’m in a man drought here. I’ve never gone this long without even dating someone just casually and somehow it feels magnified. It’s time. I’m all for festivities that call for much drinking and a bit of smooching. The Irish heritage is evident with my red hair, blue eyes and pale skin. So I plan to work the “kiss someone Irish for good luck” angle. Let’s see what happens, shall we? Last year’s St Pattie’s was highly successful if I do recall. I was fresh off the plane then too.

Delicious discovery of the day: Mikan Kit Kats. Yum! These are “gentei” or “limited time” goods. Japan loves its gentei items. In America, a company will introduce something as “limited time only”, but if it proves to be popular enough they’ll keep it around. However, in Japan, no matter how popular it is, if it’s gentei it’s only here for a short time. The tastiest stuff in Japan is always gentei! Sometimes, a gentei item might come back, but most of the gentei is seasonal so you’d have to wait a whole year before its available again. I’ve been trying to eat less junk but it’s tough when you live in a junk food haven of the most amazing things like Green Tea Kit Kats (summer) or Wasabi Doritos (this past winter). Do I resist it completely or just try it as a treat? Will it be back again? What if I like it? Maybe I’ll never have it again! Oh no!

One the bright side, since I’ve started eating more fruits and vegetables I’ve noticed junk food doesn’t taste so good anymore. I used to love candy but not so much anymore. I reach for fruit now. Ice cream has lost its appeal to me. I just don’t want any of that so much anymore.

List Love

Today’s Total Calories: 1112

Yesterday’s Total Calories: 3307

Meh, I’m not so surprised at Saturday night’s damage total now. I thought I was doing okay but then I got home and looked up the total calories in Black Russians (my libation of choice that night) and well, clearly they aren’t diet friendly. We all need a day off sometimes, right? I seem to do this once a week; so I should work on better structuring my off day intake calorie-wise. Golly, that sounded boring. It would be easier to say not drink, huh? Or limit myself to two, not four or five.

I post my daily caloric intake here as motivation to keep it up and be good, but is that really that interesting? Not really. So I’m thinking of posting the daily calorie count over in the side bar in some sort of ticker. Weight I’ll continue to post here.

I started making a list of mp3’s I originally titled “Inspiration” which included songs that made me feel awesome. A hurray weight loss mix if you will. Inspiration? Pbbt! I changed that name to “The Sexy Bitch Mix”. Aw, yeah. Now I’m feeling it. Some of that list, in no particular order:

• Angel by Madonna
• She’s On It by Beastie Boys
• Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow by Paula Abdul & Randy Jackson
• You Make Me Feel by Milosh
• Singing in the Rain by Mint Royale
• Who’s That Lady by Curtis Mayfield
• Video by India Arie
• I’mToo Sexy by Right Said Fred
• Just Fine by Mary J. Blige
• Heart Beat Rock by Kylie Minogue
• In My Bed by Amy Winehouse
• She’s a Lady by Tom Jones
• Fit But You Know It by The Streets

Other noteworthy things deserving of their own list because I heart them so:

• Charity Pot Lotion from Lush – This stuff smells so good I just want to eat myself after putting it on.
• Strawberries are on sale during this time of year here, yes!
• Spring is almost here, so long winter coats!
• Cherry Blossom Season is almost here, behold:

• Flight of the Conchords – They make me laugh so hard and smile way huge. I have such a crush on Jemaine. He’s so dreamy. *Swoon*

The Perfect Accessory: The Fat Friend

Today’s Total Calories: 1227

Today’s hunt for a reward outfit was a bust. Or more correctly I have too much bust to fit into any dresses here. Dresses and skirts are the only options I have for clothes here, even if I go to Zara’s which carries Western sizes. Pants shopping is just too embarrassing if you don’t fit into a size 8, the largest size you will likely find anywhere. The most common sizes are 0-4. Even If I weren’t fat and were a healthy weight those are still sizes that will never fit someone with my frame and height. That’s a bit disheartening. On the other hand the clothes are made for stick skinny figures without any sort of curves, so Japanese clothing just isn’t cut to flatter my figure. The styles that can fit me are huge and boxy, not at all cute on someone who’s not super thin. Oh well.

I did find a super cute blue tote at a thrift shop today for 150 yen, unused! And then some barrettes from Kiddy Land. The best thing I bought today was my new perfume: Miss Dior Cherie.

I think I’m in love! Perfume is huge for me, I love wearing perfume. Every time I go through a new phase in life I change my perfume. I don’t do this intentionally but it is a pattern I’ve noticed. I tend to associate different scents with different times in my life, so perhaps this is the beginning of a new one for me. Guess time will tell.

The thing I love about accessories is that it doesn’t matter what size you are, you can still be fabulous with the right piece. The right piece is something you put on and you just feel amazing. And accessories never say “you’re too big for me” like clothes do.

For some the perfect accessory is the fat friend. She’s pretty enough to be seen with but not attractive enough to pose a threat. Usually she’s funny, intelligent, or has a great personality which makes her pleasant to talk to. She just doesn’t get the boys’ attention the same way as her skinny friends do. Guys tend to view her as quite approachable and less intimidating than her skinny friends. This is because they don’t want to hook up with her, they want her to introduce them to her skinny friends. And of course standing next to someone bigger than you is an easy way to look thin. Talk about flattering!

I don’t have so many skinny friends anymore. There was a time when I had many skinny friends which made me the fat friend by default. It felt shitty to feel like the foil to someone else. You have to wonder about the ones who’s core interest in you is accompaniment in going out on the manhunt and never having a girl chat otherwise. Do you call to ask about my day? Do you have any idea what’s going on in my life? Do you care? Needless to say I weeded out the skinny bitches. Don’t have much use for feeling like second fiddle when the skinny friend isn’t such a great friend. The skinny friends I have now are real friends who care about me as a person.

Size isn’t a measure of a person’s worth. It’s just packaging. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t still bother me to be the fatter of my friends. Not so much because of attention from guys (that’s a part of it) but more so my own vanity. I can’t share clothes with super skinny friends. Standing next to a skinny friend makes me look even bigger, so not flattering! I’ve been the fat friend before and it wasn’t a great feeling. Now I’m just the friend who happens to be fat and the skinny friend is just a friend who happens to be skinny; but I still feel like the fat friend. The fat friend doesn’t get the same attention as the skinny friend and that’s what I really want. The kind of attention that comes from “Wow, she’s pretty” not “Wow, she’s fat”.

Fighting the fat demons in my head is no easy task. I could wake up skinny tomorrow and I know I’d still obsess over my size. Really it’s more than that. If it’s not my size it’d be any other of the many things I have issues with. What’s the common denominator? Cruddy self-esteem. Poor self-image. I’d like to think being thinner would improve that but I’m not so sure. Does this improve because of weight loss or along with weight loss? I think it’s along with weight loss or not all. By that I mean through improving one’s lot in life and deciding to change. I’m trying to lose weight and have a healthier self-image. Thin people aren’t always happy. How else can you explain skinny people with poor self-esteem? From being the fat friend I was able to see that even skinny pretty girls have poor self-esteem, despite what I would have thought otherwise. Being thin isn’t the answer, there’s more to it than just that.

Whoa! Earthquake! I’m done with the deep thought thing. Off to go see what just broke. Ah, Japan is fun no?